Frequently Asked Questions and Common Fears
What happens when a person first contacts Transitions Adoption Agency?
A friendly, kind, and experienced counselor will speak with you regardless of the time of day you call. They will explain adoption to you and so that you can decide if adoption is right for you. Usually they will offer to arrange a time to meet with you in person at a location that is convenient for you so that you can have a chance to meet with them and talk confidentially. What if I can’t travel to your office? We don’t expect you to. Our staff will travel to a place in your neighborhood where you feel comfortable meeting. If you would like to come to our office, you are welcome to.
Do I have to pay any money to your agency?
Not at all. All services are free of charge for you.
Can I participate in the selection of an adoptive family for my baby?
Yes, we will be happy to tell you about families who are waiting to adopt a baby. However, we understand that some people find choosing a family for their baby overwhelming, and we can also do that for you if you would rather our staff choose the family.
What kind of contact can I have with the adoptive family?
You can meet them in person, speak to them over the telephone, get letters from them or receive pictures of your growing baby. The type of adoption is your choice, and we will help match you with a family looking for the same level of contact. If you aren’t sure that you want any contact with the family, we respect that as well. It will be your choice. Click here for more information on the types of adoption available.
Common Fears About Placing a Child Adoption
Will my child “hate” me for placing them for adoption? It’s normal to feel like your child might resent you for choosing adoption as the best plan for them. However, this is not usually how an adopted child feels. In current times, children are raised to know they are adopted from a young age. Many parents read children’s books written to explain adoption to their child. This encourages them to be proud they are adopted. Reading these stories and talking about adoption openly allows children to ask questions as they come up and grow up feeling that adoption is a positive thing. A child placed for adoption is surrounded by love from both their birth family and adopted family.
What if the adoptive parents judge me?
The families who are built through adoption have been dreaming of being parents for a long time. They may have had miscarriages, had difficulty getting pregnant, or had a stillborn child. They are so grateful the precious gift of a baby that they typically having nothing but love and respect for the loving choice a birth mother made for their child. They know that a person placing a baby for adoption did so out of great love and hope for a bright future for their child.
How can I be sure the adoptive parents will provide a loving home for my baby?
Many birth families are placing their children for adoption because they are unable to provide for the baby’s needs, and it isn’t at all because they don’t love their baby, right? Our adoptive families undergo a medical, criminal, and financial checks to insure they can provide for a safe and loving environment for a child. The family’s need to show that they can pay their bills, provide for the needs of a child, and still have money left over for emergencies. The family’s home is inspected, and they undergo a home study where they talk in detail with a social worker about their relationships in the home, at work, with family, and in the community. After a baby is placed in their home, they have follow up visits with a social worker. A birth parent can also choose from our waiting families which family seems like the best fit for her with the help of our staff’s guidance.
Will I be able to know how my child is doing as they grow?
The birth mother can decide whether or not she would like to receive updates about her baby. She can decide if she would like to receive photos and letter updates as her child grows. Our birth families can decide what kind of updates they would like to receive. That can mean many different things from letters and photos to yearly visits and many other things as well, and we will be happy to talk about that further with you.
Can the birth father be involved in the adoption as well?
Absolutely, a birth father is able to be involved in the adoption process as well.
Will Transitions Adoption Agency work with me?
Yes. We believe that all birth mothers have the right to participate in the adoption process regardless of their race, lifestyle, or religion. We will work with anyone in the United States who would like to consider an adoption plan for their baby.
What if I decide not to place my baby for adoption after working with you?
We are not here to pressure you to choose adoption for your baby. We are here to be supportive no matter what you decide. We will provide you with the information to sort out your feelings and you are welcome to talk to us whether or not you decide that adoption is the best plan for you and your baby or not.
Feelings about Adoption
It is very normal to experience a wide range of feelings before, during, and after placing a baby for adoption.
Some of the feelings you may have are:
Sadness
Parting with a baby is a very painful experience. You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t feel some grief. Know that if you are tearful or hurting, this is normal. Believe it or not, if you let yourself experience the sadness, it can help you come to peace with yourself down the road. Just because you are feeling sad doesn’t mean you didn’t make the right decision for you and your baby.
Guilt
This is one of the hardest feelings to experience because it makes you feel like a bad person. Just try to remember that if others are making you feel lousy about your decision, they don’t know what it is to walk in your shoes every day. Remember that you are making a very loving decision, and doing what you feel is in the best interest of your child. You are making sure your baby has a good life. It takes a good person to do that.
Anger
Whenever we find ourselves in a situation that is painful we look for reasons why we got there. This leads us to think of people who contributed to our problems. For example, many women are angry at the men who made them pregnant, and then didn’t stand by them through the pregnancy. Some of us are angry at family and friends who weren’t there for us when we needed them. Anger can also be sparked by those who say things that make us feel worse, instead of better. It’s important to try to talk the anger out with someone who supports you, and who will listen to you. Transitions’ staff has often been the shoulder women have leaned on when feeling angry. Just know the anger will pass, and you will be able to move on with your life.
Resolution
Believe it or not, it is possible to feel some measure of peace after placing a child for adoption. This does not mean you will ever forget your child. You will carry your child in your heart forever. But, as time goes on, and you move on with your life, you will come to see that what you did was make a loving decision for your child. Some birth mothers use our counseling services extensively to talk out their feelings. Receiving letters and pictures from the adopting family can make birth parents feel better. Others do not wish to receive them. Again, there is no one right way of achieving peace with yourself. Just know it will happen a little bit at a time. It is important to us at Transitions Adoption Agency, that a birth mother knows we will always be here for them. A birth mother can contact us long after adoption any time they need additional support. We would like to be a lifelong resource for you.